Your face is a jimmy john
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize