Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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