i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
