when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
