So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
