My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
