Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
