you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
