Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
