he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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