I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
