so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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