If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
