Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
