I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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