She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
