I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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