so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
