Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
