I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
