Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
