I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
