Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize