Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I need to calm my uterus...
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
