I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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