Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
