I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
