Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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