Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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