summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
