You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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