This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
