I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
