he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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