And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
