My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
