I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm always down for nudity.
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