he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
