You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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