Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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