K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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