I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
