Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
