i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
