you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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