Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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