You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
