sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
