Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
