I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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