i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
