I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
