He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
