my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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