If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
