I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
