i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
