I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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