Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
