So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
