New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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