drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
