If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
