In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
