When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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