beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
