Will you blow on my dice?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
