I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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