hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
