a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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