someone threw a dead crab at me
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
