apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
