Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
So squirting runs in the family.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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